Sunday, September 02, 2007

Counterstrike on Conservative Chain (e)Mail

Maybe you got the email forwarded to you by your very-traditional cousin Sue or your co-worker who loves what Bushco has done for his stock portfolio. Maybe you don't recognize exactly whom it is forwarding it, but you live dangerously and opened it anyway. So you are treated to a steaming tirade of conservative bigotry and self-righteous sound bytes, couched in fine, patriotic jingo.

I hope you all know that in many cases you can do more than just hit "Delete!"

'Those dang illegal immigrants! Not only do they want our jobs and our health care, they want us to sing the National Anthem in Spanish!!' or 'Here are pictures of our heroic troops in Iraqistan spreading freedom and democracy; our camo-clad kids are cuddling kittens, weeping over letters from home, and playing with little tiny children in the rubble strewn streets. Write to your Congressman and tell him to Support Our President and give him everything he asks for, because our troops deserve the best!' Oh, and if you are a real American, forward this to all of your family and friends!

These emails are written in an aw-shucks, folksy style, could be the neighbors next door, why they're even replete with clumsy misspellings! Maybe they were virally-released by some Republican intern, or maybe some common wingnut with poo on his boots actually did pound a keyboard and hit "Send." Who knows?

Now, normally, most of us will mutter "Asshole!" and delete it and try to deal with the "BREAKING!" news from Truthout or Alternet, or some such, unless we've had a bad day and the letter has pushed our particular hot-button. Then we reply to the sender and give them a piece of our minds, castigating them for their ignorance and berating them for sending us this trash.

Iself just got the following chain email:

Urine Test:
Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job.
I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my
taxes as they see fit.
In order to get that paycheck. I am required to pass a random urine
test, which I have no problem with.
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people
who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine
test to get a welfare check, because I have to pass one to earn it for
them? Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back
on their feet.
I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on
their butt.
Could you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to
pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

Pass on if you agree

Now, how do we get this on a bill to make it LAW?????????????

My finger hovered over the delete key, but then I thought back over the last several weeks. I do some small computer service and repair on the side, and several of my customers have done things that indicate that they're too stupid to really use computers. Plus, they forward jokes to me that have lengthy, multiple copies of the same joke in the forwarding because they have no idea how to edit an email before they send it. Curious, instead of "Reply," I chose "Reply All," and was rewarded with over a dozen addresses to which this spam had been sent in addition to mine.

Wanting to strike while the ions were hot, I typed the following:

Hello Boys and Girls -- the money line from this brilliant idea is:
"Could you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to
pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?" The implication appears to be that many of the people receiving public assistance - that nasty old Welfare check - are drug addicts. Probably People of Color, too. Justifiable outrage for the hard-working , over-taxed Middle-Class employee.

Just like when Ronald Reagan decried the Welfare Queens purchasing Cadillacs.

Only problem is, most recipients of Public Assistance are children, the elderly, the disabled, and people have fallen off of the edge of Working Poor. Use the Google!

Yeah, urine tests for public assistance would probably snag some junkies; but a windfall savings?
I don't think so.

But, go on and pass this along; everybody needs to feel self-righteous from time to time, don't they.

And I hit Send.

I was pleasantly surprised not to get a lot of pathetic defenses and righteous conservative anger. Instead I got:

If you haven't been unemployed you should try it soon, and if you've never been on welfare you should try that too.

I would hardly describe being on welfare, or the underlying cause--
unemployment as an opportunity to "sit on your butt." Anytime I've been out of work it has been some of the most stressful periods in my life, and it is a full time job to perfect your resume and check the job boards, and all stupid shit one is busy with to try to rejoin the working class.

But I can't understand why we are even talking about such insignificant
issue, making the poor suffer a little more, make just a little harder, as
if they could all just get up and go to work tomorrow, with clean pee-pee

Much more obscene is the degree to which we are paying CEO's 400% more than before, the lose of unions to organize workers so they wouldn't lose their jobs to workers in Thailand because they can work for 2 cents an hour, or the disenfranchisement of the American work place with American worker. Fuck 'em if they want good pay and benefits, will move all the jobs off shore.


ON second thought, I think we should have a urine test, but it would be to identify who the fuck has been pissing all over the constitution. Those who have should have their eyes pulled out and made to sit in bathroom stall next to a bare-footed Senator Craig.

Ya wanna pass a bill, how about a bill that no war (declared or undeclared
and that means clandestant)can be engaged in unless the people engaged in it first send their own family members in as fodder. Send the sons and
daughters of industry, the offspring of the corporate captains.

I hear a lot of those welfare folk are Iraq war vets.............with PTSD
and appointment for 4 months ahead.

Lets drive the car off the cliff and attack Iran.

And finally, a reply from a fellow who I actually know in Colorado, who is a conservative, who added a YouTube link which most of us have seen by now: Dick Cheney v.1994, explaining why we should not overthrow Saddam Hussein! It warmed my heart: The Truth is Out There, and some people are actually - slowly - getting it!

Let me end by suggesting that what is necessary to keep the sociopolitical changes going from conservative lies toward progressive considerations is confrontation, confrontation, and, when that fails, more confrontation. Always remember that "the Truth crushed to the ground will rise again and no lie can last forever."